I'm having an identity crisis. Or at least, that's what I'm going to call it.
I feel like I need to be someone else for people to like me. I've never been the center of anything. Not saying that I constantly need to be the center of attention ALL THE TIME, just not feeling like I have to constantly strive to be noticed would suffice. I've always been that weird girl on the sidelines that everyone just kind of keeps around because she's a "package deal" with someone else.
I constantly feel inferior. To everyone. And that's because I feel like everyone has something they're good at. Elana's a champ at baking and singing, Marissa's the social butterfly and also an amazing singer... I have nothing. I mean, I do a little bit of photography, but who doesn't anymore? It just seems like a b.s. thing to be good at. I need something that's my own, but I have no skills that I know of. I'll never know if I have the skills because I'm too afraid to go out and DO things because I'll look like an idiot.
I want to be more creative.
---------------Two week break in writing----------------
This has been saved in my drafts for a while. I guess I'll just continue it.
I'm hurting pretty bad right now.
I guess the break-up is just now hitting me or something. I really don't know.
I just feel alone. And I'm probably going to have to replace my keyboard because of water damage.
Through this whole thing, I've been pushing it away and pretending that I'm okay. The fact that someone who is supposed to be a good friend of mine has not been there for me at all through this, but instead has been making things worse. I don't know if it's on purpose or not, but good lord it's cutting deep.
I don't know why I need to know about all the plans and conversations that have been going on between them. None of which I've been a part of. I don't understand why I haven't been asked "How are you holding up." instead of being told how worse off he is. Maybe I'm selfish, but that wouldn't be anything new.
I just need someone right now, I guess.
