Self Exploration Through a Blog

This summer I realized exactly how much I have grown as a person from Freshman and Sophomore year. I've definitely learned who my friends are, and that you can't trust just anyone. Not only with your secrets, but also with your heart.

For being only 16, I've endured a lot of heartache. I'm not just talking relationships, but also family. Tonight was the first time in 2-3 months I have spoken to my father. I haven't seen him since March-April. Ever since I was little, I had always looked up to my dad. He was the one person who I felt would always be there for me. When I reached my teenage years, that came to a screeching halt. We drifted apart, and it's to the point now where he's just an inconvenience. I feel absolutely terrible saying that, but he would rather spend his nights drinking and playing video games then actually try to fix his relationship with his only daughter. That hurts.

My mother and I have never gotten along. But, that's just not even worth discussing at this point.

As far as relationships go, I'm currently in a stable one for the first time in my life. His family likes me, my mother doesn't seem to mind him, and things are good. I couldn't be more thankful for that. But I haven't always been this lucky. I can say in all but one or two relationships, the boyfriend has been unfaithful to me, and that's definitely taken a toll on my self esteem. I'm still getting over all of it, but I've made a lot of progress.    

I'm just going to go out and say it:
I'm so freaking over high school.

I'm ready to go out on my own and make my own decisions. I'm ready to move on to whatever lies beyond this.

But most of it is the people.

I can't count how many times a day I think to myself  "You're a sophomore/junior/senior. Act like it." And most of it is just stupid things. I'm over the Facebook fights. I'm over the petty little statuses by people who get Facebook muscles, I'm over the "he said, she said" b.s.

But I digress.

Elana will be glad to hear this, but I'm starting to have more faith in the Christian religion. I find myself praying a lot more than I used to.

My "New School Year Resolution" is pretty much that I just want to better myself as a person. I want to figure out where I stand on things, and how to stand on my own. I want to get a better understanding of who I am and where I belong in this world.